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A lot of people don’t like going to social gatherings because they feel that what’s likely to happen is that they might be left standing in a corner because they’re too shy to start a conversation or even keep one going. Or they think they might be boring. It really doesn’t seem like it’s enough to just smile, say hello and move on to the next person. On the face of it, yes it’s good manners to introduce yourself but if you’re really looking to make an impression that will help you in the future that brief handshake and hello is not going to cut it.
There are plenty of gurus out there who will advise you on various opening sentences that will not only grab the other person’s interest but also lead to other avenues of interesting conversation or opportunities. I reckon that talking about the weather or the heavy traffic won’t help unless you use that opening to make another important point.
So how can you be certain that you’re boring or not? And how can you overcome it if you are?
Well, people tend to sound boring if they have the tendency to talk only about themselves a lot. They talk only about what interests them, such as their hobbies or music, or about general topics that are not engaging enough for everyone to get involved. They also have the habit of making an interesting story boring by taking too long to get to the punchline or by digressing to other long stories.
Further, not everyone’s life revolves around watching television so talking mostly about television shows you like, or think that are funny, or if you have the habit of constantly quoting from television shows or movies you like in the middle of conversations is going to make people want to avoid you. Not everyone will think you’re being funny if you’re mimicking Chandler or Iron Man.
Also, everyone likes to be around someone who likes to have a good laugh once in a while. They like someone who is able to see the funny side of life when it’s there. If you’re the type of person who has a hard time laughing at something that’s genuinely funny or you tend not to find anything anyone says funny because you take things too seriously, it might be a problem for you in social settings.
What’s also not cool would be to be too critical of someone, like correcting their grammar or English, unless they seek your advice. People don’t like gripers either, those always complaining about something or other, always sharing their problems and never good things. Many years ago I read a book in which a boy advised a girl he knew, ‘Boys don’t like girls with too many problems.’ I would extend that to people in general. First time you tell anyone your problems, they’ll listen attentively and express sympathy. But if you do it repeatedly, I guarantee they’ll start avoiding you, unless they’re your ‘bestest’ best friend from childhood and the sharing goes both ways.
I’m not an expert on social gatherings but I’ve learnt a little bit by watching other people, and by listening to some experienced individuals. From what I understand, you need to let the other person talk and let them finish their story; never interrupt them while they’re talking. A good opener might be to ask someone about their day and then genuinely listen to what they tell you so that you can ask a follow-up question to demonstrate that you were truly listening to them. Never ask and then walk away in the middle of a sentence. Don’t ask personal questions like how much they earn but you can ask where they work and what they like about their job.
But not everyone has time for a hobby so never ask what someone did at the weekends. I mean, no one’s going to tell you they went skydiving or mountain climbing. Most normal people relax at home in the evenings and spend their weekends sleeping in, shopping for food and doing laundry. And please, never look at your phone in the middle of a conversation.
