Wellbeing more vital than walking on eggshells

In my opinion, it’s better to live alone than be with people who make your life miserable. It’s better to live alone than be with people who always put a spanner in the works. It’s better to live alone than to be with people who make negative comments about everything you know is a positive step in your life and everybody else’s life too.

This might sound like an outlandish statement given that many people around the world live within an extended family structure. But what are those family dynamics really like? Does everyone always get along? Is everybody on the same wavelength all the time? Are folk always in agreement with one another or respectful of each other’s views when they’re not? Considering how many married couples in the subcontinent move in with their parents (usually the husband’s) I highly doubt that is the case, especially if the husband has siblings. His adult female siblings may not be married and his male siblings may already be living in the house with their spouses. Then add to that crowd of adults their children and your children. Now imagine if the place is small where not everyone has a designated space for themselves. Some may even have to sleep in the living room at night or share living spaces during the day.

Adults living together under one roof and getting along is an oxymoron. Naturally everyone will have their own thought processes and opinions. Everyone will have their own way of wanting to do the same thing around the house and won’t tolerate other people’s way of doing them. In fact, forget about doing or not doing things, sometimes the mere presence of another person in the same house or flat may irritate the other person which, in itself, is a recipe for discontent even when nothing has actually been said or done.

The fact is that living in close quarters and having your own opinions and needs wouldn’t matter if everyone in that extended unit had the same goals in life which, very frequently, is not the case. This is not an ideal world and in that world nothing is smooth and disagreements will happen whether you want them to or not.

I think there’s a difference between living alone and being lonely. Even if you live with people, even if you are not alone you may still be lonely. These are two very different concepts. To me, living on your own is underrated and what’s overrated is the idea of loneliness.

You can overcome loneliness by going out, speaking to people and keeping in touch with your friends. It’s an effort but one that should be made as a matter of being a human being. But the opposite of living alone (I can’t think of a word for it to be honest) can be overwhelmingly stifling for your growth as a human being. You can’t go anywhere without explaining where you’re going or with whom. You can’t come back without explaining where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing. You can’t eat when you want to, you can’t bathe when you want to and you can’t sleep when you want to. You can’t put your things in a specific spot and expect to find it where you left it the next day. Someone will almost certainly have moved it and often you may not find it without first having to ask someone in the house, possibly someone with whom you don’t see eye to eye. The bottom line is, you can’t do anything with your life without first having to mind other people or answer to other people.

The question to ask yourself is, is this really how you want to live for the rest of your life? I highly doubt that you do. Your mental and physical wellbeing is far more important than walking on eggshells all day, every day. Surely it’s better to feel a little bit of loneliness sometimes than never being able to do what you want to do when you want to or need to do it. There’s no sin in occasionally looking after yourself. It makes you a better person.

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